Alien Contamination . Weekly Alibi . 11-10-97

Alien Contamination

DIRECTED BY: Luigi Cozzi

REVIEWED: 11-10-97

Was there a better decade than the '80s for Italian movies? OK, I guess Dario Argento made Deep Redand Suspiria in the '70s, but I'm talking about the wave of Dawn of the Dead, Alien and Road Warrior ripoffs that gushed forth from our spaghetti-bending brothers like spumoni through a goose for that wonderful 10 years or so. While you'd never call director Luigi Cozzi one of the more accomplished Italian filmmakers, you certainly can't say that his attempts aren't entertaining--his Star Wars riff Starcrash (featuring super-hot British babe Caroline Munro and Joe Spinell as the bad guy) is one of my favorites, and I'd wrestle a greased ape or two for his cheeseball Hercules flicks starring Lou Ferrigno. Unfortunately, while Alien Contamination has moments, it never quite rises to the level of Luigi's other stuff (Jesus! How's that for a meaningless statement?). When a mysterious, apparently uninhabitated cargo ship cruises into New York harbor, a bunch of cops in biohazard gear are sent aboard to check it out. The entire cargo seems to be comprised of boxes of coffee from the Univerx Company, but the cops soon discover the boxes actually contain big, creepy, mustard-slathered eggs. One hapless fellow hefts a particularly large egg and it explodes in his face, showering several cops with corrosive goo. Before you can say "Scanners," the cops are bursting open like dead pigs (no pun intended) on a hot summer day, their entrails flailing throughout the hold. A survivor teams with an Ice-Queen government chick to solve the mystery of the eggs (sounds exciting, eh?), and just when their investigation hits a dead end, the Ice-Queen suddenly remembers "that Mars mission a few years ago"--you know, the one that left one of the astronauts babbling maniacally about "eggs?" Anyway, cop and Ice-Queen hook up with the discredited astronaut, and the three head south to the Univerx Company's headquarters--actually "the egg plantation"--run by the other Mars explorer, who's been in league with the eggs since visiting the red planet. Good grief. It's all pretty slow going, and by the time the "alien cyclops" rears its shlappity ol' head I was itchin' to fire up Goldeneye on the Nintendo 64. Worth renting, though, if you wanna hear the cop say "I feel like somebody's scratching my head--but from the inside." (Paragon)

--Scott Phillips

Film Vault Suggested Links
Wild Wild Planet
The City of Lost Children
Gamera: Guardian of the Universe

Rate this Film
If you don't want to vote on a film yet, and would like to know how others voted, leave the rating selection as "Vote Here" and then click the Cast Vote button.