Now this is more like it. Kickin' it old school (as my
homey Coolio might say), this one opens with a bunch of scenes
from earlier F13s, then gets down to business with nonstop
cheesy slasher action. It must've sounded great in the pitch meetings:
"We'll do a Jason-meets-Carrie sort of thing! The kids'll
love it!" And, while it never quite lives up to its potential,
the goofy telekinetic stuff makes PTVII one of my favorites.
Uh, I mean in the F13 series, not, like, one of my favorite
movies, y'understand. The flick opens as blonde, Poltergeist-girl-lookin'
l'il Tina gets fed up with her dad's abusive ways and storms out
of their house--on the shore of Camp Crystal Lake! She
sails off in a motorboat, and when her dad begs for her to come
back, her accidental telekinetic outburst kills poor ol' pop,
sending him to the bottom of the lake. Years later, Tina, now
a teenage neurotic, returns home to spend some time with her therapist,
a manipulative bastard who wants to use Tina's snazzy powers for
his own gain. After a grueling therapy session, Tina's emotional
turmoil revives the corpse of Jason, who leaps out of the lake
and heads into the woods. Next door, a bunch of teenagers (imagine
that!) arrive for a surprise birthday party, and the slaughterfest
begins! While the gore is pretty sparse, some of the murders are
kind of cool--in one scene, Jason grabs a girl in a sleeping bag,
hauls her around like a sack of groceries, then thwacks the sleeping
bag into a tree to finish her off. We also get the obligatory
Cat Scare; a slutty chick dressed in some kind of space-Indian
outfit; Jason's cool zombie face; and in, one goofy scene, the
Nerd Girl gets tarted up to impress the Dope-Smoking Idiot, who
was last seen partying downstairs--but when she's ready for action,
she goes outside and looks for the guy in the woods! When Tina
and Jason finally face off, the flick becomes an oddball mix of
Carrie, Scanners and Home Alone (with Jason in the
Joe Pesci role) as stuff blows up, nails zip around and fire spews
from the furnace. The coolest thing in the movie, though, is when
Jason tries to kill a guy by stepping on his butt! (Paramount)
--Scott Phillips
Film Vault Suggested Links
The Flesh Eaters 
Darkness 
Friday the 13th, Part 4: The Final Chapter 
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