Sex Rink . Weekly Alibi . 02-23-98

Sex Rink

DIRECTED BY: Ray Dennis Steckler

REVIEWED: 02-23-98

OK, just for the record, lemme say right now that I would never, under any circumstances, watch a porno movie. Except, maybe, y'know, if it looked cool or something or had, like, some girl in it I wanted to see naked. So, that said, there were two big reasons I had to check this one out: 1) It was made in the '70s when porno actresses tended to look like the girls from Friday the 13th movies instead of the super-high quality babes who do the underpants polka in today's pork peliculas; and 2) it was directed by Cindy Lou Sutters, who is, in actuality, Ray Dennis Steckler, the man responsible for The Incredibly Strange Creatures who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-up Zombies! I mean, how could I resist? Unfortunately, the thing turned out to be a big disappointment--I was hoping for Steckler's trademark low-budget cheese with a heapin' helpin' of filthy smut tossed in, but Sex Rink is so damn low-budget that, by the time the Steck had waved enough green around to coerce the neighborhood dolls to make the beast with two backs on camera (I'm betting it was at least 40 dollars), there was no cash left for sync sound, which means even less plot than usual for a Steckler flick. What story we do get is courtesy of a talentless narrator, telling the tale of a bunch of high-school seniors (all of whom look to be about 35) who get together at the local roller disco (which seems to be in Steckler's basement) for a little chaperoned, fun. However, a couple wild gals quickly subdue the chaperone and the wall-to-wall sex begins! It's all pretty dull, for the most part--except for the bizarre "performance" of a high schooler named "Rodney," who has the tiniest lower jaw I've ever seen but packs a gi-normous ween. He looks like he's in a trance for most of his screen time, and his shirt mysteriously disappears, then reappears, only to vanish again later. I swear, I'll never watch a smut flick again! (Alpha Blue Archives, PO Box 16072, Oakland, CA 94610; 510- 268-0811)

--Scott Phillips

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