The Postman . Newcity Chicago . 12-29-97

The Postman

DIRECTED BY: Kevin Costner

REVIEWED: 12-29-97

Kevin Costner's directorial followup to the overrated "Dances With Wolves" is a frighteningly self-indulgent mess that runs an excruciating three hours and contains more close ups of Costner than "Wolves" dared. It's the year 2013--you know the lay of the land, I'm sure, your basic post-apocalyptic-blasted-desert-no Government-roaming weirdos-lone drifters-turpentine-for-water kind of future. One night, the drifting Costner sleeps in an abandoned postal delivery truck. He snags a mailman's uniform and a mailbag, then pretends to be a postman to get entrance to border towns. To get some food and shelter, he tells the despondent denizens that the government has been restored and President Richard Starkey (Hey! Get it? That's Ringo!) has restored the postal system. This so inspires everyone that Costner not only gets fed, he gets laid as well. Soon, an adoring Larenz Tate starts delivering mail himself, recruiting more folks to deliver letters. The evil Will Patton, whose army of horse-riding, raping, pillaging maniacs will do anything to squelch the rumors of a restored government, isn't happy. It's too distracting from his life's work of crushing the spirits of the dirty faced, post-apocalyptic cuties. When the film finally came to a halt, my first thought was: "Does Costner think he can get away with ANYTHING?" Not only is "The Postman" subpar on all levels--you know, little things like acting, script, direction--but it's also further proof that Kevin Reynolds, one-time friend of Costner and director of the brilliant "187," has a lot more to do with "Dances With Wolves" than Costner would care to admit. I attended a bachelor party a few years ago where the featured attraction was a porno tape where Ron "The Hedgehog" Jeremy gave himself a blowjob. "The Postman" is pretty much on the same level.

--Nick Digilio

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