It should have been worse. And goddammit if all five Spices don't have a more natural delivery than professional actor Keanu Reeves. From the opening credits, where the Spices' flaming silhouettes dance across the screen a la the Bond films (Roger Moore even plays a minor role as a label mogul), to the opening scene of them singing on stage dressed in virginal white ass-cheek-baring, cleavage-enhancing and navel-revealing Spicewear, it's clear that it's all about being a girl. And what do the girl-power media phenoms of the universe (we learn they're really big in Italy and with extraterrestials) actually do? Spice it up slumber party-style on their deluxe tour bus while cruising London of course. But even though these women hold hands and do team fashion shoots, moments of tension still arise over borrowed clothing. Dream sequences abound in this film -- the girls are so overworked they resort to their imaginations to spice up their lives. But all is not perfect in Spice World. A tabloid editor hellbent on breaking them up before their concert has set a photographer capable of squeezing through a toilet after them. Meanwhile American movie guys Mark McKinney and George Wendt pitch Spice Girl movie ideas (hence more dream sequences) to the Spices' nervous manager, who ultimately hears the very tale that unfolds before our eyes. Comic relief is provided by a self-important documentary filmmaker trying to capture the true essence of Spice. And a touch of Lifetime drama is supplied courtesy of a dear old pregnant friend whose baby they help deliver. At least the Spice Girls are willing to face up to the fact that they suck. After a run-through of a song for the concert, a crew member nonchalantly sums it up, "Absolutely perfect. Without actually being any good." The bland truth of the Spice Girls phenomenon.
--Suzy Milenkovich
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