Theres a line in one of the Porkys movies that is relevant to
this video review. This school administrator finds some pornographic
film, and he distastefully announces that he was so disgusted
he viewed the whole thing twice.
Ive watched the video Exploding Varmints (Advanced Action Videos,
$22.95) several times now. Ive shown it to a group of friends,
and Ive watched it alone. Ive watched it drunk and Ive watched
it sober. Ive watched it while I washed dishes and swept the
floor. Ive even kept it on as I drifted off to sleep, which gave
me some pretty bizarre dreams in which everything is seen through
a rifle scope.
So far I havent been able to figure out what makes this 40-minute
video so compelling and revolting. You have to be a really sick
bastard to come up with the idea. And you have to be a pretty
sick bastard to enjoy watching it.
The title sums it up: Exploding Varmints: Part 1 . I dont know
what the producers have in mind for parts two and three, but this
videos mission is on the back of the video jacket. From your
favorite easy chair, experience the excitement of exploding so
many varmints your shoulders will ache
and witness hundreds
of confirmed exploding kills in this action-packed video.
Then theres a bona fide review by a guy named Harry in Centerville,
California Boy! These varmints explode big-time.
The descendants of all those fine Americans who took pot shots
at buffalo from the cabooses of West-bound trains are bored, and
they need something to do. Our lazy video culture demands that
we entrust our killing instinct to someone else while we watch
vicariously. Nowadays, the buffalo are legally protected, but
gophers and prairie dogs that tear up private land arent. Gophers
and prairie dogs also dont fall down as hard as large mammals,
so the producers of Exploding Varmints use specially tipped ammunition
that makes fur and entrails fly 20 feet in the air.
In this video, two guys go out with high-powered rifles in Northern
California. One is a pretty-boy figure named Louis, the other
is a shirtless, hairy, paunchy guy named Gary. They have a truck
and thousands of acres of hunting ground. They explode the varmints
to a soundtrack that is half-porn, half-video game.
Gary and Louis are often too busy showing off their hunting skills
to bring us quality camera footage. But after 10 minutes, that
hardly seems to matter, because they kill a lot of varmints. Every
10 seconds theres another cut-away to another critter getting
blasted. Most are caught standing perfectly still; some are nailed
while running for cover. Two or three actually get away. When
that happens, a subtitle reads, Lucky Varmint!
I love doing this! This is excellent, Louis announces. They
cut back to a shot of him smiling contentedly while he runs his
hands through his shiny black hair.
Gary and Louis break up the shooting to keep it from becoming
too monotonous. They instruct us on what kind of rifle to use.
They tell us how to approach ranchers to get permission to kill
varmints on their land (Ask them, Louis advises. Itll be okay
as long as you dont shoot his cows, his irrigation pipes, or
Between killing footage, they also give us a lesson on the ecosystem.
Were doing a service to the coyotes, the bald eagles, and the
hawks, Louis says. For you nature lovers, it all goes back into
the food chain. Then they show footage of a variety of different
birds. Given the mood they set, you cant help but sit at the
edge of your seat and wait for Gary to get a little antsy with
his trigger finger.
I dont recommend this video for everybody. I dont recommend
it at all. But I do think that, once word of this gets out, some
twisted freaks out there will make it an underground sensation.