Will somebody please
kill that Crypt Keeper thing? It's dorky and its jokes aren't
funny. Fortunately, the latest Tales from the Crypt movie
relegates the cackling corpse to a brief introduction, then gets
on with the real business of trash. With multiple jokey dismemberments,
exposed boobs galore and a hokey plot about an eternal demonic
quest for God's Seventh Key (which is filled with Jesus Christ's
magical morphin' blood), the movie easily rates six dumpster loads
on the trashometer. You'd think it was personally designed for
Joe Bob Briggs.
--Zachary Woodruff
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