TO ENJOY A Jackie Chan movie is to surrender. You, too,
may feel your critical faculties slipping away, your logic receptors
growing soft and spongy, as the collective weight of poorly dubbed
dialogue, shot-gun karate kicks and improbable plot twists pummel
your brain to oatmeal. Why is that foxy hippie girl strolling
alone through the middle of a desert wasteland? "You live,
and then you die," she explains, sort of. And why does she
have a pet scorpion? How can it be that all these people all over
the world speak perfect English? P.S. What is that damn airplane
doing in the middle of an air vent?
Don't ask, is the answer to these and other questions posed by
Operation Condor, the latest silly, exuberant motion picture
from action hero Chan. He's been called the Buster Keaton of Hong
Kong action films, but he might be said to resemble the Roadrunner
fleeing Wile E. Coyote just as closely--he's a tricky, fast-moving
victim, innocently slaughtering very determined enemies. And,
like a Saturday morning cartoon, no one actually dies in Operation
Condor despite the non-stop violence. In fact no one even
bleeds. Falls are taken; folks bounce. Chan himself merely asks,
"Why did you have to hit me so hard?" when one of his
associates knocks him on the head a few dozen times with a log.
He shakes off. More fighting ensues. Hurrah!
It's unclear why Operation Condor is called Operation
Condor; there are no condors. Instead, Chan plays some sort
of agent for Spain; he's sent to Africa in hopes of uncovering
a vault of gold cleverly squirreled away by the Nazis during WWII.
It's a very important mission and he's therefore accompanied by
a fetching administrator in a pink suit. Joining them is a young
German girl who usually wears a towel; if not that, a tight sweater.
Her grandfather, apparently, was one of the Nazis on duty when
the gold was stolen, and she wants to go along in order to absolve
her Nazi grandfather of any wrongdoing in this matter.
No, I am not making this up.
Thwarting Chan and the girls in their endeavor to uncover the
gold are roving bands of unaffiliated bad guys. For a while, I
tried to keep track of the different factions; then I wised up
and realized there was no point. The bad guys were simply thugs,
racially stereotyped at that: Some are Nazis, some are Arabs,
some are malicious tribesmen, and a few seemed to be bad seeds
working freelance. They pop out of the scenery, speaking in poorly
dubbed English, kicking Chan in the face and slapping the girls.
(Chan has picked up quite a harem on his journey: three beautiful
girls, young and helpless, crying "Save us Jackie, save us!"
over and over and over.)
Absurd as it all is, the effect of this jumble of cultures and
plots and stereotypes is oddly pleasing. It reminded me of flipping
the channels to Telemundo and coming across a Howard Hawks western
dubbed into Spanish. It's familiar yet strange. Operation Condor
contains shades of the Indiana Jones movies, westerns and
B-grade adventures. Hong Kong action films borrow Hollywood conventions
but have little use for the sophisticated levels of plot and character
development American audiences are used to. The result is a curious
hybrid that values action and physical movement above all else.
So, in a Jackie Chan movie, the stunts look great. Chan is famous
for performing his own, and multiple camera angles are often presented
to prove that a particularly chilling dive is authentic. Even
while the banal dialogue washes over you, the kicks and jumps
remain spectacular. The best parts of Operation Condor
are the elaborately choreographed fight and chase sequences, one
of which involves a motorbike, a boat, and thousands of boxes
of bananas. Dedicated Chan fans need to know, however, that the
hijinks in Operation Condor never match the impressive
stunts in Chan's previous American release Supercop, though
it's more exciting than his Rumble in the Bronx. But in
a sense, it doesn't matter. After 10 minutes, the brain rot sets
in. After an hour and a half, you too may find yourself chanting,
Save us Jackie, save us.