Roland Emmerich, the genius who gave us 1998's unwatchable Godzilla, here uses all his smarts to turn the Revolutionary War into a revenge fantasy. Mel Gibson plays the highly believable non-racist Southern plantation owner whose Black farm hands are all "freed men." Somehow Emmerich makes it seem like the British are being evil when they come to liberate slaves from their benevolent masters, and that such actions warrant the brutal extermination of all the English troops in the colonies. Imagine something with the intellectual depth of a Schwarzenegger action film, only with everyone wearing ponytails or powdered wigs, and with the machine guns replaced by muskets, and you'll get a sense of how bizarre The Patriot is. As an added bonus it's nice to note that it's based on a true story, only in real life the man portrayed by Mel Gibson was renowned for raping his slaves and hunting Native Americans for sport.
--James DiGiovanna
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