Johnny and Carmen are sweethearts, but
Carmen loves Zander, because he looks so good in uniform. So she
joins the army to be near him. So Johnny joins to be near Carmen.
So Dizzy, who loves Johnny, joins to be near him. Oddly, even
though they're from Buenos Aires, they all speak English with
perfect Southern California accents, and are the most white-bread
people in the armed forces. Anyway, Carmen sends a "Dear
Johnny" letter, and Johnny has a night of passion with Dizzy,
so giant space insects kill Dizzy. If the giant space insects
kill Zander, then perhaps Johnny and Carmen can finally be together.
Meanwhile, Doogie Howser MD has psychic congress with the bugs,
even though he really loved Dizzy all along. An unprecedented
number of things, people, and insects get blown up or chewed up,
and some brains are eaten, but this provides the hope for salvation.
Sadly, we have to wait for the sequel to see if the bugs are defeated,
Johnny gets to have love with Carmen, and Doogie Howser learns
how to say his lines without making the audience guffaw. Rated
"R" for completely gratuitous nudity and lots of little
pieces of human bodies flying all over the place.
--DiGiovanna
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